Sunday, random Sunday

I need something new to read. More specifically, I need some new smugly pointless cleverness to distract me from the fact that my actual life doesn’t involve backpacking across Europe, a lucrative writing career, and a running tab at Godiva. C’mon, mass media! You’re falling down on the job.

I got desperate enough this afternoon to try surfing through the link-lists in the comics blogoverse. Unfortunately, most turned out to be complete wastes of space (as defined by level of disagreement with me over the lameness of Captain America’s new costume) and one actually went so far as to totally dis Spider-Man. So, no joy there.

I’ve been making do with the back archives of Etiquette Hell, but there are only so many tales of white trash behaving badly a person can take before you start feeling kind of uneasy about your own family (not yourself, of course; there are limits, after all) and frankly you really do not need the reminder about how you’re actually screwed way back at the genetic level.

Clearly the only sane thing left to do is start watching Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan’s new HGTV show, Home Heist. Because a world without these two is to begin with a world with a little less sunshine…and because, according to the previews @ hgtv.ca, next week’s ep revolves around a couple named George & Margaret, whose den is done up in Early Product of Scotland Booth at the CNE. (You want the pic furthest to the right.)

Now, this is the classic Colin & Justin household. The pale, passive-aggressive types who are clearly filling some deep void in their souls by becoming the Pewter Dragon Kings of Much Fluttering or wherever make for more entertaining ‘Before’ tours, no question; but they’re no challenge. The boys are vamping into a void. You’re oppressed with the knowledge that all the customer really needs is to be handed their own MySpace page and told to have at it.

(Come to think of it, wouldn’t a show like that be fun? “Watch as Betty Frumpkin, proud owner of 6,750 Happy Meal toys, tries to catalogue them on the Web page we’ve provided! Next up: Bets scans in the photos by holding the snapshot up to the screen!”)

Neither is the ideal a householder like last week’s – a fashion designer who was so eager for the C & J Experience, so to speak, that he actively encouraged them every step of the way. At one point I think he even burst into tears. Now, there may be people who watch this show for social tips, I’m not denying it, but again, nothing for the boys to bounce off of. Although their expressions upon realising they don’t actually hold the world monopoly on outrageous gayness are kinda cute.

No, the best moments are the ones in which the duo are confronted by the unshakeable middle ground: a bright, chipper no-nonsense Marg, or Flo, who isn’t as impressed with the boys as a threat to her sensibilities so much as to her plastic sofa covers. You know the kind of woman I’m talking about – we’re all related to at least one. Her carpet is forest green, her borders have fruit on them, and her family room is tidy (or, in this case, tartan). She has respectability on her side, damnit! Let the hissy-fits commence!

So…yeah, that was my weekend, pretty much. Feeling a lot better about yours, now, aren’t you?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shing_
    Oct 15, 2007 @ 09:44:39

    I worked, watched a couple of movies and made like a bazillion trips to Canadian Tire (I kept forgetting things!)

    I used to love all those home improvement shows but I’m over them now. And there’s way too many of them!

  2. shoebox2
    Oct 15, 2007 @ 23:07:31

    What you need for maximum enjoyment, I find, is a mom who’s a pretty accomplished amateur decorator herself. The snark level you can reach with expert backup is way more satisfying.

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