This is your brain on Monday…

So first of all I must mention the loverly little shout-out West of Bathurst creator Kari Maaren was kind enough to award me in return the other day. Given the bit about my being ‘a good writer’, I will go so far as to add that if she ever does install a forum, I will become a charter member.

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This is going to be a quick post. It’s only that I have a strange compulsion to comment on the current TV scene; strange, because  I don’t watch any of it, or for that matter have cable in the first place. I do however pass huge banks of posters for it every day to and from, which means they’re working, I guess. I am starting to feel what I believe are ‘vibes’ from ‘the buzz’. It’s either about the new fall season or drinking all that Sprite at lunch, one of the two.

So…um…Heroes, huh? This Darkness thing, pretty, uh…dark. Yeah. Weeds, heh, a suburban mom selling dope! See, it’s funny, ’cause it’s so at odds with her fresh, wholesome image! What edgy concept will those whacky sitcom producers come up with next? Maybe a show about a suburban mom who’s really a witch, or something!
Or – wait – a hit woman! Yeah, I’m offering that one for free right here. Called…Babes and Bullets, maybe. They could do an episode where she gets so wound up after a morning trapped indoors with a Dora the Explorer DVD that she finally snaps and empties her semiautomatic into the TV set, screaming “Repeat this, you little ___!” Insta-ratings smash, I guarantee it.

(Slightly) more seriously, there’s this one Global ad – in the ‘BIG’ series, if it helps – that features this shot of a really hunky guy looking all ironically dark and brooding, that I wouldn’t mind somebody naming him for me so my flippings through People at the grocery checkout can have some real purpose. The poster is captioned ‘BIG Trouble’. If it helps.

Then I get on the subway, and because of the unwritten agreement among rush-hour passengers that we are so not making any eye contact we don’t get paid for, I end up spending a lot of time staring at an overhead insert showing all the Desperate Housewives, reruns now on Bravo channel.
‘Least, I think it’s all of them. Marcia Cross, Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria and a couple blondes on the ends I don’t recognise. They’re all wearing frankly inexplicable wine-coloured cocktail dresses, and they’re all doing their best to look like Women on the Verge. What scares me a bit is that they’re succeeding. I thought this was all supposed to be lighthearted parody, but Teri there especially looks like they gave her a strand of pearls for the express purpose of breaking it with her teeth.

Also, Marcia Cross – whom I cannot for the life of me imagine just calling ‘Marcia’ – it occurs to me, staring at this thing, that I’ve never seen a pic of her looking straight on at the camera. She’s always looking out at me with a knowing smile from under brows set in little arches of irony, with that great glowing Forehead looming over it all.
It could be a nifty little satirical comment on real female desperation in Hollywood – Behold, the Power of Botox! – but I’m pretty sure that’s not what she’s going for, and instead of being intimidated I start getting uncomfortable, the way you do when you’re sitting and you’re talking to someone who’s standing. “Erm, Marcia Cro…Marcia? You can let your occipital lobes down now. No, please, really.”

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shing_
    Sep 23, 2008 @ 11:25:57

    BIG Trouble = Sylar of Heroes (actor: Zachary Quinto who’s next big role is “Spock” in the new Star Trek movie)

    I don’t know why, but that DH ad bugs me.

    edit: he’s the non-smiling one on the right in my icon

  2. shoebox2
    Sep 23, 2008 @ 19:48:48

    Sylar? This is the dude kills people and eats their brains, right?

    …Oh, isn’t that just…well, entirely typical of my luck with crushes, actually. Man, life would be so much simpler if Tom Everett Scott could hold onto a TV series.

  3. shing_
    Sep 23, 2008 @ 21:26:14

    Always crushing on the bad boys, Shoe? Although you may be pleased to know that, in the S3 premiere of Heroes, we discover that Sylar thinks eating brains is disgusting.

  4. shoebox2
    Sep 26, 2008 @ 23:23:59

    Yes. Yes, I am pleased to hear that, thanks much. Less brain-eating, even implied, can only = happy happy Shoe.

    As for the crushes…it’s not so much picking the bad boys, ‘zactly, as it is the dysfunctional ones. I seem to have a thing for moody and intense, let’s put it that way.

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