At least they’re not *tiara-wearing* vampires…

So apparently I’m about the only over-18 female blogger who hasn’t yet commented indignantly on the Twilight phenomenon.

OK then, let’s fix this right now: The Twilight phenomenon.

…Seriously, I’m just not all that interested. Also, I’m not all that qualified, given I was a tender devotee of the Sweet Valley High series at the same age. Yep, up to and including the ‘Super Thriller’ in which the crazed spa owner, not content with her army of beautiful zombie employees, decides to redo herself as the Wakefield twins’ mom by luring her to her secret underground plastic-surgery lab.

Colin Watson once remarked that bestselling authors do not get that way by shaping attitudes; they tap into existing ones. When the sparkles clear, Twilight’s popularity simply reflects the latest tempting gloss on the near-universal need, among tween girls, to validate their unremarkable selves as Secretly the Most Beautiful and Special of All. Naturally this will be intuited by a gorgeous and sensitive guy, who will whisk them far away from Des Moines or wherever that their True Love may prevail over all those nasty, jealous girls in gym class.

Eventually, the ones with an ounce of sense, which I think is the majority, grow out of the fantasy and go on to find real fulfilment. The ones who don’t, of course, grow up to force their bridesmaids to wear Disney-themed dresses complete with faery wings, but they provide endless entertainment for the sensible ones in the process. It works out.

For those who feel like doing some serious hand-wringing over our nation’s youth, may I suggest the following headline?
Carleton University Students Drop Fundraiser for Illness Targeting Caucasians.
Whereas Orientation week strives to be inclusive as possible;

Whereas all orientees and volunteers should feel like their fundraising efforts will serve their diverse communities;

And whereas cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men;

Be it further resolved that: The CUSA representatives on the incoming Orientation Supervisory Board work to select a new broad reaching charity for orientation week.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wideawakeinwonderland
    Nov 27, 2008 @ 01:06:35

    I am following the alphainventions request to “be nice and leave a comment” for the person I bumped. That stated, I was a HUGE SVH fan! Oh, how I wanted to be a triplet with Jessica and Elizabeth, even though I had no idea what a lavaliere was and figured I’d probably have to wear one anyway.
    I also know nothing of Twilight (books or movie). So we have that in common! The charity thing, however: scary. I used to babysit a little girl with CF, and it’s a terrible illness without question worthy of fund raising for! What a world…. Be well! Vanessa

  2. Shoebox
    Nov 28, 2008 @ 23:09:28

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Agreed re: the ‘lavaliere’ thing. It sounded kinda painful.

  3. grace
    Nov 30, 2008 @ 02:12:33

    I also bummed you and thought I would check you out. I TOTALLY AGREE about Twilight.

    I’m a former teacher and all my teacher friends are reading it. For those who teach English I like to believe it is so they can talk about the book with the kids (because really, if students are reading on their own someone should notice!), but my math teacher friends?? What’s up with that.

    I refuse to read a teenage book about a girl who loves a vampire. In the end I heard she has to decide to become a vampire and live forever, or not to be bitten and thus die? If this is true, what message is that sending the girls??

  4. Shoebox
    Nov 30, 2008 @ 02:24:40

    Mm-hm, that’s the general gist. They marry, and she becomes pregnant, but as the child is half-vampire (and thus insanely strong) it pretty much literally destroys its mother on the way out, so her husband ‘vampirizes’ her in order to save her life.

    It’s OK, though, because she turns out the be just the most beautifullest, speciallest vampire in the whole world, saves her entire vampire clan single-handedly, and they all live blissfully ever after literally forever. As I say, my major impediment to taking these books seriously is that they’re just so ruddy over-the-top stupid.

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