And over-rated/but that doesn’t bother me…

Public-service announcement: In reviewing the readership stats for the last couple days, I notice with increasing dismay that many people checking out my historical pieces are actually in Europe. Uh, yeah…sorry about that, guys. Any chance we can just write me off as a typical boneheaded goofball North American, chuckle indulgently and move on? Or at least, put down that guillotine?


So I’ve signed up as a Wikipedia editor, despite growing amusement at the ever-widening dichotomy between the scholarly attempt to gather, collate and notarize every significant subject possible and the reality of the human nature involved in the process. Internet human nature, at that; upon which a few minute’s meditation should really have discouraged the Wikicreators right there at the starting gate.

It didn’t, however, and I must admit there’s a certain seductive pleasure in (finally!) being able to share your trivia pile with the world and call it Adding to the Store of Knowledge. Also, there’s the moment when you go googling to confirm some minor trifle you’re planning on adding to the Bob & Ray pages and discover that…whoops!…

[raises teeny-tiny horn to lips]

*toot toot*

…there are actually a few other blogs out there that linked to my PopMatters article! One of which belongs to Mark Evanier! Words like ‘good’ and ‘great’ being thrown around!…Plus, a really nice onsite comment on the article itself!

[lowers horn]

…Anyhow, I was wondering – I know the readership contains at least a couple people who’ve run up against this sort of thing before – my first impulse was of course to cyber-race up to all these people and strew hugs and babbled ‘thank-you’s madly about; my second was to wonder if that was quite the done thing. Don’t want to look like a craven opportunist and all that, don’t you know. Or, perhaps worse, a goofy n00b. But then, perhaps not responding at all would be unpardonably rude…
Thus I appeal to the audience: Just how does one react in cases like this? Are thank-you posts expected, or appropriate? I notice one of the mentions is on an LJ, and on reading the posts generally would really like to be able to swear eternal Friends List-ship if it’s at all possible…

No one ever gets there/But you can try…

So I got far enough in my grand scheme of revenge – you remember, the one where I flit back onto the Kalan Porter fan forums just long enough to post a link to the PopMatters article and “Who’s unreadable now, hey?! Hah-hah-hah-hahhhhhhh!” – to try and sign back up. But the confirmation email hasn’t come thru after two days, so I guess I’ve been fairly thwarted.
Probably this is a good thing, as choosing the username ‘shoebox2’ indicates I’m not exactly cut out as a master criminal anyway. I feel a little bad, thinking of all the people whose nominations I’ve now permanently scotched just because they might think some variant of ‘shoe’ would make a cool username. Sorry, guys.

As penance I will just mention that I did finally check out the most recent video on [info]shing_ ‘s blog – the one that offered Single, tambourines and Michael Jackson all in one go – and boy it did not disappoint. In fact I submit this to be the most original piece of film ever captured of an ex-Idol anywhere, unless somebody can finally unearth that long-promised footage of Clay Aiken kicking puppies.

Frankly it has the potential to revive my Porter fanhood in something very very close to its former glory… assuming he fulfils my fantasies of performing it just once more, this time without lyrics at all, just the tambourine and that half-interested smirk. After which he becomes a practitioner of Kabbalah, also a vegetarian, and upon returning from retreat – having made headlines by dragging with him a girlfriend whose name he has tattooed on his bicep, and who was trying to sneek controlled substances through Customs – records a CD consisting of  the most whacked-out pretentious electronica ever, the kind where the videos involve ironic homages to classic children’s stories, and I will promptly march right out and buy fifteen copies I do solemnly swear.


Meanwhile. It’s been quite a week here @ Shoe Central. Thus far I’ve been concentrating on the good bits, which have been mindblowingly good no question…but there comes a time at which you have to put aside pleasant daydreams and start focussing on the stuff that matters. Either that, of course, or you have to find better daydreams. In an odd way, the current job situation promises quite a bit of both, over the next while. More

My PopMatters article is up!

…oh, you remember, that comedy team.

Seriously, I’m on the front page and everything…at least for this weekend (come to think of it, you might want to schedule reading it as something pleasant to do of a Sunday afternoon).

After that, the link is under ‘My Favourite Things’, here. Please note that yours truly is mentioned not only as the author, but over there in the side blurb as ‘exploring the partnership’. And you thought I was just being annoying! Well…yeah, as it turns out, annoying does get you places after all. I mean, this is me sharing a page with Snoop Dogg. Fame is in fact completely surreal…

Er…sorry, folks, you’ll have to put up with the babbling for awhile. There’s apparently no manual for how to react when the crowning dream of your life is realised – or at least begins to be realised (Shoemom: ‘Yes dear, I’m so proud; next time, find out if they’re paying you upfront, OK?’) so, uh, yeah, babbling.

Sometimes the world begins/To set you up on your feet again…

Public-service announcement: Kalan Porter.

OK, OK, I know…look, I did try a Google News search beforehand this time, but no dice. Save for a handful of references to this year’s CI auditions. I note they seem to have borrowed the ‘Looky the cumulative avalanche of talent we’ve uncovered!’ card from AI…unfortunately a year or so after everybody noticed that the AI talent being referenced were, almost without exception, the people who had fallen by the wayside (or been shoved there) during the process, not the carefully-nurtured products of same.

Which would still not be a huge problem, per se, except that CI’s version of ‘C’mon out, take a chance, and you too could be the next Daughtry!’ is, y’know, Billy Klippert. I won’t even get into the dichotomy between being Jennifer Hudson and being Jacob Hoggard. So who the hell do they have left to seriously audition for this thing? Greg Neufeld, hoping third time’s the charm? The mind reels.


Anyway, seriously, there is a point to my base attention-gathering tactics here. Really. Not, I will confess, unmixed with a certain particular satisfaction in terms of my…stormy…Idol-writing career. (See, kids, this is one of the practical advantages of staying awake in English class – you have at your command infinite polite euphemisms for “Nyahh-nyah-nyahhhh-NYAHHHHHH!”.)

It’s a rather peculiar sensation, isn’t it, having good news to tell? I mean, really good news. Not just ‘there was leftover birthday cake in the office today,’ or even ‘whoa, hunky dude from the Pilates class finally asked me out!’.
This is the kind that validates something so deep inside, it gives you little shuddery shocks of sweetness every time you realise it afresh. So that who you tell, and how, becomes important in and of itself. Do you run screaming through the streets, setting all that excitement off in one glorious but short-lived firework? Or do you hoard it carefully, spending it only among those close ones of whom you can be sure of maximum return on your investment?

…Or, reluctant to give it up in either case, do you heighten the sensation by blathering on for awhile about the entirely obvious? More

That Article, again…

Real quick this time; my friend [info]solo_1 tells me that if I (re)post my Bob & Ray opus, she’ll read it. At which point it occurred to me I was perhaps feeling a little over-conscientious not to just go ahead and inflict the ruddy thing on the readership once again, given that there is after all the option not to read.

So…please ignore, those who either aren’t Solo or are starting to worry about me. All others welcome. 🙂

As per usual, feedback not only welcomed but encouraged, either by email or using the comments template below…I’ve set the comments to pre-screen, so they’ll come to me first, at which point you can let me know if you’d rather they be posted or not.

Would-be copyright violators, however, should be advised that I have an in-depth knowledge of the Biblical book of Revelation and would not be at all hesitant to interpret it all over your sorry butts.

Thanks much! More

Competitive competiton-watching, part 2: Lay down your art/you’re here for the party

Public service announcement: Kalan Porter JayDee Bixby Theresa Sokyrka Brian Melo…and, er, Matt Dusk….

OK, sorry. It’s only that I was starting to quite enjoy the whole ‘readers suddenly flocking over in actual droves’ bit, and couldn’t figure out any other reason for it. I am really trying to maintain an air of ‘for the love of the craft’ about this latest project, and succeeding I think rather well…quite a few of the current readership will recognize what a change that is…but I’ve come to the conclusion that love of craft and love of an audience can’t ever be fully extricated one from another, unless the craftee happens to be either a saint or a genius, which, yeah.
Anyway, now that I’ve got everyone’s attention, time to admit that I kinda sorta lied totally about being through with the Bob & Ray article, and when not cheering the Packers through the NFL playoffs have in fact spent much of the time between LJ entries working it up into a more sophisticated and detailed – ie., 6000-word – version.
This isn’t to announce I’m planning to repost; only that if anybody out there isn’t completely sick of my obsession with a couple of comedians, and feels like playing beta reader for this sucker before I start poking around seeing if any magazine-type site on the Net would be interested…let me know (at the email addy under ‘User Info’), it would be greatly appreciated.


Now back to this week’s entertainment. Which is competitive reality TV, as per the Food Network and HGTV…no, really, go back and look it up. As detailed in that week’s column – also, pretty much my entire writing career – Shoemom and I are all about sitting around and mocking the attempts of food/design types to be on TV. Or, in the case of Bravo’s series, just to be really, really obnoxious while doing it. Here’s a partial list of the competitions we’ve followed over the past year:

HGTV Design Star
Top Design
Top Chef
The Next Food Network Star
The Next Iron Chef
Designer Superstar Challenge
(apparently a Canadian version of Design Star)
Handyman Superstar Challenge (apparently…oh, who knows, it had Mike Holmes in it anyway)

What does it feel like to be the reigning authority on random kitchen/rec room makeovers, you’re probably wondering right now? Well, for one thing, it feels lonely. Very. Thus I’ve decided to inflict some of my observations on you, my kind and forgiving audience, who are probably just grateful I’ve not decided to develop the obsession with NFL football any further…well, at least not until next week. Maybe we’ll all get lucky, and I’ll find a really good book to read. Meanwhile, I present the Official Shoe Central Best in Reality Snark: More